In the main, this is a good laugh and full of humorous, intelligent comments from lovers of the sport. It also means a glut of NFL cliches - the Sunday Night version of business bollocks. Of course, Twitter cliches extend far beyond the world of NFL. Every major sporting victory is followed swiftly by a tweeted photo of John Terry joining in with the victor(s) and a reminder of how long it has been since Arsenal have won a trophy.
It's common knowledge that the worst Twitter cliche of all is "#justsayin", a phrase that means absolutely nothing! In reality, all tweets involve somebody "just saying" something, but whilst we're unlikely to read "BBC News: 27 dead in Middle East terrorist attack. #justsayin", we do have to put up with twaddle such as "Arsenal are crap #justsayin". Of course you're just saying it you utter cretin! Unless you're sat at home acting it out or interpreting Arsenal being crap through the medium of dance.
But this is about NFL cliches, the words, phrases and hashtags we have to endure every Sunday night during the season. Some of them highlight a limited vocabulary, some are Americanisms that have crept into our language, whilst some are just lame insults.
Allow me to elaborate by the medium of bingo. By the way, I also hate bingo. I went to a Gala Bingo once "for a laugh" and found it the most soul destroying place I've ever been to (and I've been to Kidderminster!). Nobody spoke, nobody drank, it was just full of hardcore bingo players concentrating fully on getting their dabbers on the paper before the next number was called out. Even the outside smoking area had a PA system so players didn't miss a game whilst having a fag! Anyway, I digress. I'll assume you all know how bingo works, if not I suggest you visit my sister site www.howbingoworks.com for full details.
In this version of the game you have to mark off each cliche whenever one of your Twitter friends uses it on a Sunday night during the season. Below is a handy "Bingo Card" for you to print off and use. Hardcore NTCB players can use multiple cards and assign individuals users to each card, in order to find out who the ultimate Lazy NFL Twitter Cliche Merchant is!
Anyway without further ado, here is a glossary of the terms on the card:
Beast - Use of this term is acceptable when describing Marshawn Lynch's famous touchdown against the Saints or any other TD that involves an entire team being flattened. However, since Lynch's moment, the term beast has been used on Twitter pretty much every time a running back gains double digit yards . 12 yard gain from Mark Ingram? "Ingram's a beast". It even gets used for players in other positions, Brandon Marshall grabs a high ball - "Marshall's a beast". No, he's not! He's a very tall man who is very good at catching footballs! Move on.
Statement - As in "Great statement from the Defence" and the like. Essentially, it means "they're doing their job". When Tom Brady throws a 10 yard pass, people don't say "great statement from the Pat's offence", but when a three and out is forced the word statement comes out in force. Change the record!
Stud - Next time one of your friends does something impressive (eg eats a very hot curry, that type of thing) call them a stud. Or next time you're watching another sport and something great happens give it a whirl - "Wayne Rooney is a stud"!
Let's Go (insert team name) - I know, I know. It's what fans chant in the stadiums, but seriously it's a woeful chant. Embarrassing, cringy, pathetic and many other adjectives.
Saidnobodyever - I'm sure it started as a decent joke, but now it's just a lazy # added to people's opinions. "Phil Rivers is a great QB #saidnobodyever". No No No. What you mean is "I don't think Rivers is a great QB", you can't just claim that nobody has ever thought that. I'm sure even the worst players in the league have their fans. Think of something different!
Monster - Enough with the Eric Hall impressions. The word monster can refer be massive beasts such as Godzilla and King Kong, however it is also used to describe paedophiles! So next time you call (eg) Jared Allen a monster, you're essentially putting him on a par with Roy Whiting!
Elite - A favourite of the NFL Network. Who cares which Quarterbacks belong in a purely subjective bracket? Boring!
FACT - Not an NFL exclusive #, but a favourite of LNTCMs everywhere. If your best way of justifying your viewpoint is to write FACT at the end of a tweet, then I suggest a career in public speaking isn't for you!
Banter - Another abomination that stretches way beyond the NFL. I recently had a tweet that suggested I follow a chap "if you enjoy top NFL banter". Suffice to say he wasn't followed. I refer to the excellent Urban Dictionary for the true definition of the word:
"A
term now applied to what was previously known as "Conversation" (if
explicitly referred to at all) by a generation whose aspirations have been
systematically lowered (due to endless hours of social networking and reality
TV) to the point that events which occur naturally, everyday, everywhere are
now praised and honoured as achievements"
Trolling - I'm not talking about the practice of winding up people online or Tweets that identify culprits of it. I'm talking about the completely inappropriate misuse of the word in reference to activity that is never a)online or b)aimed at winding people up. For example, it's week one and a player released at the end of the last season scores for his new franchise. you get bet your life that within 3 seconds at least one LNTCM will post "x is trolling the (insert previous franchise)". No, he's not...he's scored a touchdown for his team. Have a think!
Buttfumble - It happened. It was very funny. And there were some amusing tweets at the time. But #buttfumble when talking about Mark Sanchez a year later is classic LNTCM behaviour.
Cowgirls - I don't like the Dallas Cowboys one bit. But should I wish to insult them, I use words such as *****, **** or *******. Calling them Cowgirls, actually makes the writer seem more pathetic than the intended target. While we're at it, "G-Men" must be the lamest nickname in the whole of sport!
Crads - See above, although this is arguably even more pathetic.
Epic Fail - This is a phrase that should be reserved for monumental mistakes and errors. However, log on to twitter during the NFL season and you'll discover that throwing an interception is apparently an Epic Fail! Get a dictionary!
Ballgame - As in, "This is the ballgame" before a key play. Another classic example of UK NFL fans thinking they're American. No doubt these people indulge in blue sky thinking during the work and like to think outside of the box.
Bring Back (insert name of departed Quarterback) - Eg Matt Flynn throws a Week 1 interception, cue "Bring Back Alex Smith." Lazy, lazy, lazy.
London Bound - Hello Sky Sports! Yes, we know that 4 teams are playing at Wembley this season, we don't need you to mention it in every tweet. I even saw this phrase being used by Twitter users not employed by Rupert Murdoch last season.
Money - "Blair Walsh is money from 50
yards". No, he isn't. He is very good from 50 yards. Another phrase that
British people never use in the real world, but put them in front of a screen
on a Sunday night and it becomes a staple of the vocabulary.
Inane Factual
Tweets - I'm talking about
"Touchdown", "Wide right", "Interception" and the
like. I'm not professing to be the world's greatest NFL expert, but I can see
when a touchdown has been scored without some goon on Twitter confirming it!
No doubt, there are many more examples of lazy NFL twitter cliches, but these are some of my favourites.
NFL
Twitter Bingo
|
|||
Beast
|
Statement
|
Stud
|
Let's Go
|
Saidnobodyever
|
Monster
|
Elite
|
FACT
|
Legend
|
Money
|
Trolling
|
Banter
|
Buttfumble
|
Cowgirls
|
Crads
|
Epic Fail
|
Ballgame
|
Bring Back x
|
London Bound
|
Inane Factual Tweets
|
Good Luck!
