Merchandise of Doom

I knew that sooner or later, a topic would crop up that would require 2 articles to fully cover. I thought it might be the Draft, or possibly Free Agency or even the recently announced Schedule for 2012.

As it turned out, it was none of these.  In fact, my first 2 part blog is on the important issue of NFL merchandise and a trawl through the weird, wonderful and just plain awful items that are out there for fans to purchase.

Of course, bad merchandise isn't an NFL only phenomenon.  At the age of 16 (16...not 5!), my mum bought me a Gillingham FC jumper for Christmas.  Nothing wrong with that, except that the jumper was a bright sky blue and had a massive print of some goalposts with the word Gills in large letters across the middle.  Wearing it with my equally bad GFC cap made me look like cross between a local radio DJ and a terminally ill out patient.  Being the polite child that I was, I agreed to wear the item, but made sure it was only on very cold days when I'd have a thick coat protecting my shame.

As an adult, I've only really purchased the occasional item - a t-shirt with a Gills badge or sometimes a home shirt.  Now, I'm an Eagles fan I need to find a suitable piece of merchandise to solidify my love of the team...and man alive, there are a lot of options out there! Here is just a small selection of some of the oddities available:

If you're a fan of draughts (checkers) you may be interested in:

A slight drawback is that the Jags can only play the Titans, so fans of other teams may not get invited to the party. Or they could just stay outside and hang out by the Arizona Cardinals portable bar ($500)..

If Derek Trotter was
an NFL fan!

The above item is intended for Tailgating parties. Franchises have all manor of items available to enhance the tailgating experience - beer fridges, barbecues etc.  This next item isn't the most absurd, but at $200(!) most be the most overpriced:

That's right, $200 for a bit of wood with a hole in and 2 small beanbags.  Surely you can buy something like this at Poundland. The official name for the item is "Buffalo Bills Tailgate Toss", which is a very accurate description.

As upset as I was with my Gillingham jumper, it could have been worse:

This is actually a Bucs golf shirt! I'm not sure even John Daly would fork out $70 for it.  I was thinking that an Eagles t-shirt may be the way to go, although I probably won't go for this one:

The worrying thing is that there's a man out there who designed this.  Clearly, he saw John Squire's Stone Roses artwork and thought he'd have a go.  Luckily for me, there are plenty of more tasteful alternatives out there. I'm currently having a shop round a few sites to see which shirt takes my fancy. I want to get a proper Eagles jersey in time for the start of the season, but I haven't got a favourite player yet, so not sure which name to have on the back.  Of course, I could opt to get a non clothing item instead, perhaps something for the house...

It rotates!!!

I'm sure my other half would be delighted to see that on the bedside table.  I guess I could appease her by getting her something for the kitchen.  Who wouldn't want to serve soup in this:

A set of 4 sets you back a mere $40 and guarantees your dinner party goes down a storm.

Finally, for this first half of my hunt for a suitable piece of merchandise, here's an item that's not for the faint hearted...

That's right, it's a Cleveland Browns "ghost".  The sales pitch for this states that "Halloween is right in the middle of football season, so why not embrace both at the same time? " I'm not entirely sure how the above is "embracing" either, but at least I can be confident that the only way is up as I search for my NFL merchandise.